And the list goes on right? Those of us who are married are all those things and more. When our child was younger, people used to marvel at “what a good mother” I was. I would unabashedly, and a little self-deprecatingly, agree (who else gets up at 5am to cook a days worth of meals including home made rice milk) before going to work with sharks (I mean figurative sharks)? I was, and still am, a very good mother. I was, in those early years, just an OK wife. As our child has grown into a independent teenager, I have become a better wife, I think, and my dear husband, who was with me through the OK wife stage, would probably agree. When one has a medically complicated child it is easy to forget about the adult relationship. One is busy figuring out what is making the child sick, and barely has time to focus on marriage. Sometimes our tendency is to push people away, when we should be holding them closer. If this is you, read on.
Yesterday, blogger Nancy Fox of The Skinny Kitchen had a post written by her husband of 30 years, Dr. Allen Fox entitled “How to have a happy marriage” – they’ve been married 30 years. I’ve asked Nancy if I could share them with my readers and she was more than happy to allow me. For the entire article, click here.
1. Use the “Bank Account Theory” whenever you and your spouse have conflicting desires.
2. Never say anything that will hurt your partner’s feelings, and only say things that will make him or her feel good.
3. Ignore or forget about your partner’s weaknesses. He or she will have strengths too and you would be wise to focus on them.
4. Wake up every day and tell your partner how lucky you are to be with him or her. And don’t just say it. Feel it.
5. It’s important for the kids to see that their parents love each other, are considerate and polite, and that they have a happy home.
6. In some marriages it is not possible to implement the suggestions made here. Here the disaster sometimes occurs before the marriage starts, in one’s choice of partner. Be very careful when choosing your spouse.
7. Always keep in mind that one partner cannot be happy if the other one isn’t, so it is to your great benefit to make your partner happy.
copyright ©2013 Written byAllen Fox, Ph.D.
Dr. Allen Fox earned a Ph.D. in psychology at UCLA and is a former NCAA champion, Wimbledon quarterfinalist and a three-time member of the U.S. Davis Cup team. Dr. Fox also coached the Pepperdine tennis team to two NCAA finals.
He currently consults with tennis players on mental issues, lectures on sports psychology, and is the author of several books on the mental side of competition.
To view his website, click here: http://www.allenfoxtennis.net/
I really love #3 in particular. After twenty years of marriage and six years of togetherness before that, my husband and I know every peak and valley of our weaknesses. I also like #5. I bought my own Valentines Day card for my husband to give to me. Why? Because I wanted our child to see how much we love each other and I didn’t want my husband to feel that he had to get something rushed in his 12 hour work day. Working together is key. My husband’s favorite saying is “happy wife, happy life”. Smart, isn’t he? Marriage, as Tony Soprano says, is an institution. It is work. And in the end, love will conquer all, if, as in #6, you have chosen your spouse well.